Metamorphosis To Stage Three

We can't stop the mind from thinking. It's not a crime to start wanting to go to bed, and inspiration tips the waking.

Eyes barely open, thoughts running wild.

Walking through the gates of high school brought back much more than reminiscence. I stood by classrooms watching the shadows of my past. The younger version of me. Like a camera, I zoomed back to my teenage years. The things that hurt, the things that made me smile. All the glory, fame and yet, bitter memories that swallowed my past. I watched the moments where I was young and made mistakes. All the rebellion and hatred I held against things or people I shouldn't have. Walking through the classrooms brought me back to the days I had. Lonesome, tears, pretenses. Yet, those moments too carried the strength of endurance, of pure friendship, sisterhood and of the bars I had succumbed.

Thinking of the person I was before, I don't blame people for holding preconceived opinions of what I have become right now. Looking at these, I realized now how much circumstances had groomed me into the woman I am today. Mistakes were something unavoidable. Perhaps, I too was immature at that time, and never knew the right thing to do. Aren't most teenage years spent and wasted away just like that? Yet, through the drains we fall into, it then makes us immune to future mistakes we're about to take. Even if we didn't learn, well, maybe a couple of severe hijacking the wall would be sufficient to bruise us til we learn. As that's probably, why we call that living.

Life is like a maze. We keep bumping into its edges, til one day, we follow the light that leads us out. From there, we learn the opt of route to take in future. Each maze or course, teaching us something new each day. I ponder upon these thoughts sometimes. Haven't I made those mistakes, would I then be the person I am today?

My island and home is a place I wouldn't dream of trading. I've had bitter moments in my life. Yet, thinking of a chance to rewind and relive it? Maybe not. Cause those things I often regretted, made me choose a better route for tomorrow.

Who hasn't been hurt by the choices they made before? Who never wished that they could take back or erase the mistakes that cause people or change of roads in our lives?

I used to regret for not being mouldable to the words of my parents. Why never heed the wise when they were there. Still, I realize, maybe there's always a better hope.

I remember the cause of me wanting to leave the island so badly. I wanted a fresh start, a new life. A time to get away or cease from old, haunting memories. A time to start gaining trusts again. Starting fresh, where no one would judge me for who I am, or the person I used to be. Somehow, I wanted to be someone different, where I could change, and unleash the better side of myself, proving to everyone, that I could be something more. Someone better than they expect me to be. That's when I chose to come to university here.

Being in university for the past one year has taught me independence. I learned that life can be harsh, yet mild and subtle. A contrast, I wondered when ever I would stop crying. When would I get up to be strong. I had in mind that leaving home would make me forget the things or person I used to be. However, I had it all wrong. I realized then, that fixing things didn't mean finding security in a person who faked care. It didn't mean running away from problems you used to have. It didn't mean, crying would stop if you never got over hurts in the first place.

From here, my eyes opened and life struck me as it is. That life has to go on. There are times we make mistakes, but we learn from them. We don't do things to prove others wrong. We do it for our own happiness. Life wasn't about grudges. In order to move on, sometimes we have to learn, forgive and let go of the past. He made me realize the bitterness I used to hold towards the people that hurt me before. Then, I knew, that had to stop. Forgive is the key, and letting love light over darkness has become what makes me stronger in encountering my once upon a time foes.
I also learned that letting go of bitterness is what pairs up relationships of the past. Love and tolerance is what keeps relationships going. Some people change, and there's no way we can shape them into people we want them to be.

Many times, I cried over the one person who I confided in before. Cause of mistakes, misunderstandings, that security was lost. Felt lone and left with a fragile heart. I thought replacement was the key. But the more I kept trying, the worst things became. I let go of everything. And the things I wanted after so long, came back begging for something that used to be. Yet, too much hurts, too much drama, that these was something not to be patched.

I came back to the island this time. No more nightmares. No more crying. No more pain in my chest. As I am now, I know life is something that always evolved. I'll always be grateful for the family that loved me. But who said one who is non-blood tied couldn't make a change in your life too? Part of me realized that through the words of wisdom, I became strong. I learned to see things of different views. Through words, time, things changed. Those nightmares disappear, and I too, have grown into someone different.

There's more to life than just hoping for the right moment. Living it is the key, trusting God is what has brought me this far. I was meant to live, so breath never left me. For that, there's always a driven purpose in my life til now. That's to dare to be different, and make a difference in others.