Firstborns

It's not easy bearing the cause or weight of the family.

Decisions, decisions and decisions.

I used to cry upon considering the responsibilities, being the eldest. It meant going through a whole lot deal not many can comprehend.

Being the firstborn, we try to make our family proud. We try to give less worries to our families. Despite undergoing the tough, kept and sealed within our own lips only is what I think I do best.

The firstborn is the pride of the family. It means going a whole lot farther in being the perfect example. As the eldest, we take care of younger siblings. To love and to protect; to care and to shield.

Being the firstborn means experiencing the first mistakes no one can teach you to avoid. It means learning from it and guiding the younger ones to a better set of directions. It also means that we make the important decisions in almost all that there is out there.

The eldest lays their life and commitment to the family. Dreams follow up second. In our mind, the welfare of the family is often guarded way ahead and a duty we carry.

Not many can love, jealousy may arouse. What makes the firstborn set apart? To me, jealousy to siblings should not be a part of our heart. In my perspective, no matter how much desire wishes to lead, the love for the family is places above all else.

Firstborns have a special duty to the family. We were made to be born first, not by coincidence. God simply knew we were to lead, to be ready for the task and responsibility He has for us.

I always believe that sacrificing our own desires for the love of the family, as a duty plays an important role in uniting the family. The firstborns are always watched and observed by the younger siblings. To implant good values in the family begins from the leadership and love from the firstborns.

In this, I know, I wasn't made first by accident. He always has something bigger than what we can see from our mere eyes. For that, I'm glad that I was born as in a sequence of this.

A Little Bit Of Rain

As a girl, I get a little bit emotional.

There's a tendency to feel a little bit of pain. A tendency to feel a bit of doubt. That little brain that thinks too much.

So much for sunshine, there sometimes comes a period of a little thunder and rain as well.
There's that particular moment where you'd keep wishing everything is perfect.

There's the part where I keep wanting to tell you how much I miss you. Yet, with all the wrong words, comes the wrong reactions. There's the part where silence takes over, and in that silence brings her loudest cries. Still as a man, you never knew the key to breaking silence as a cry was reassurance.

Crying at the nights where you never told her you were home. Crying at the fear of being afraid that the same thing would happen to you and her.

Going back to the city that day, was afraid. Suddenly the fear of going back to university overwhelmed me. The fear of being alone again. The worst part, is you aren't going to be around all the time this round.

I've been so strong during the stay back on island here. But where's my confidence when I stepped into the city? Where had it all gone?

Times get hard when I try to straighten my thoughts. When I try to grab everything and everyone that I love all at the same time. In the same arm, in the one and only grasps.

Now is the time to prepare to face another duration of fear. Facing the fears of performing arts, to face the biggest challenge. Not to fail, and yet, breathe farther than just above the waters.

I really need a miracle. I need strength. Most of all, I need You. Give me the confidence. I'm not myself living in this life I can't manage.